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Author:	Ninger [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 3:25 pm ]
Post subject:	good 1
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they got over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her knickers and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of knickers and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, So she wiped with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his Normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm Starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no knickers !!" "That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck up her bum that said..... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'

Author:	Ninger [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 11:48 am ]
Post subject:
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS 40-ish........................................49 Adventurous...................................Slept with everyone Athletic......................................No tits Average looking...............................Ugly Beautiful.....................................Pathological liar Contagious Smile..............................Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure............................On medication Feminist......................................Fat Free spirit...................................Junkie Friendship first..............................Former prostitute Fun...........................................Annoying New Age.......................................Body hair in the wrong places Old-fashioned.................................No BJs Open-minded...................................Desperate Outgoing......................................Loud and Embarrassing Passionate....................................Sloppy drunk Professional..................................Bitch Voluptuous....................................Very Fat Large frame...................................Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker WOMEN'S ENGLISH: 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = you're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = you better not 8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about? MEN'S ENGLISH: 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. And when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his ass.

Author:	Brid [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 7:20 pm ]
Post subject:
Oh so true!!!! GAA from Martin Breheny of the Independent. My sister took an English relation to a club game of ours many years ago. During the course of the game, when things weren't going too well for one of our corner backs, a woman in the crowd was shouting: "Take that useless ct off, he's good for nothing". Needless to say, the English relation was horrified at such a remark and tried to reason with the lady saying: "There's no need for that language, I'm sure you wouldn't like someone saying those things about your son "to which she replied: "sure, the useless ct is my son!" ************************ I was at an Armagh match in the early 90s with a neighbour of mine who's loud by nature but is particularly vocal at matches (a bit rough around the edges you might say). Anyway, he took particular umbrage at one particular Armagh player who wasn't having a great game. At one stage he shouts out the name of the player and roars: "if they won't take you off, for fks sake, walk Off!" *************************** Didn't hear this one myself, but the great Willie Joe Padden told me it at last years Mayo v Galway match from an ould fella behind him. Just after Conor Mortimer missed the change with the free, he stood up screaming: "Jesus, if Lee Harvey Oswald had been from Mayo, JFK'd be alive and kicking!" ************************** A barrell of a man who was very much involved in Laois GAA was at a junior football match in Abbeyleix one night, and he went on just to make up numbers (jersey pulled on, playing with the socks around the trousers and someone else's boots). Anyway, he was running around but the low stature was telling and one of the lads shouted at him: "For fks sake Sabu (his nick name), will you go up for the ball to which he replied: "sure I'm not a fking eejit, won't it come down to me!" ***************************** At a reserve game in Co. Derry, one team who had only the bare fifteen trotted off at the break getting pretty badly beaten. Johnny at full forward was having a nightmare.... here is part of the half time talk: Manager: "Johnny, you're coming off." Johnny: "but we only have the bare 15." [short pause] Manager: "come off anyway." ****************************** Galway minors played KK in the All-Ireland semi-final in '88. The cats (Carey, Ronan, O'Neill, Carter, etc.) were walking it. Ronan was injured in the second half and the Kilkenny doc was stitching him on the field. As the time went on, a disgruntled Galwayman shouts: "If ye don't hurry up, he'll be over age!" ******************************* At a minor league game a couple of years ago, our manager was giving the usual fking and blindin' to us when a spectator said to him over the fence: "Don't be so ignorant....(short pause).... ye big fat fker ye." ******************************** Nice Tipperary one. Workmates console Eddie Tucker after Tipp are demolished by Clare and he's had a bad day: "don't worry about it Eddie, it wasn't your fault, it's the fecin eejits that picked ya." *********************************** Another classic I've been told involves the Ballygar-St. Brendan's hurling club in Galway where a major dispute reared it's head at the AGM. The chairman is reportedly a straight-talking bachelor of questionalbe diplomacy. Amidst the row, a newly appointed priest took the floor commenting on now the GAA should be a focal point for the 2 parishes, not a source of argument. He continued on about how everyone should pull together for the good of the club and see the club as a unifying force. The chairman stood up and said: "Thanks a lot for that now Father, but that's the kind of shite that sickens my hole."

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