the lads

> After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,which
> conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the
> flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the
> problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what
> remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before
> the
> next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack
a
> sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints
and
> problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by
> maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline
that
> has
> never had an accident.
>
> (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
> (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
>
> P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're there for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding
> on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.
>
>