the lads

Your're as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit

My mouth's as dry as a nun's crack

He's so camp, he shites tent pegs

I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes

I feel like a boiled shite (hungover)

(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress

She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn

Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit

I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.

No show pony but would do for a ride around the house

I left her with a face like a painters radio

She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book

A sniper wouldn't take her out

Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle

She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked p*ss off a
nettle.

She had a fanny like a badly packed kebab

If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over
the wall

Give her a boot in the hole and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of her fanny

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'I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.'"