the lads

Damo, despite his Phd, was amazed that voices were coming from this "mobile phone". Despite his Phd he had outlawed technology from the electronics department, as it scared him. Using his cunning, he pulled a pen from his from his pocket. He jammed the pen into the phone furiously, however the voice was getting louder "IF THIS IS YOU VINNY, I TOLD YOU TO STOP RINGING ME AT WORK".

Damo paniced, throw the phone to the ground, pointed at the phone and shouted "WITCH CRAFT!!!"

Lemmiwinks sprung into action, realising the Lord of the Orion rings had placed a curse on Damo possesions, and made him infertile, but that wasnt important right now. Lemmiwinks took out his lighter and thought of the only famable substance he had. He reached into his pants, and ripped his underwear off, wedgying himself in the process. He quickly wrapped the phone in his jocks, and light it. A great white flame came from jocks and phone. Lemmiwinks knew this would burn for a while, as they had been fermenting in those pants for weeks now.

Although the curse of mikey the pikey, had been foiled for the moment, Damo realised the only way to get the pikey was to set a trap. The two heroes gathered around the warm fire to think. After recieving many headaches from thinking, Lemmiwinks got it. "The trap is going to be a.............

A Dance Off. Pikeys are noted for their love of jungle and hardcore techno and will stop at nothing to hit the dancfloor and bop the head once it comes on. Lemmiwinks reasoned that Mikey would be no different.

But who would take him on?

Unfortunately, due to having been made infertile, Damo was in no fit state to dance.

Lemmiwinks himself had lost the gift a long time ago.

This put our two heros in a stickier situation than when sticky the stick insect got himself stuck on a particularly sticky bun.

Jimmy - an effective - if unconventional - shit dancer, was a little too raw for this kind of thing.

Mark, was a possibility - a great mover on his day, but would he be arsed?

What was needed was a dancer with the finesse and grace of a gazelle, the stamina of a bull in breeding season, and most importantly, a man with no shame or conscience whatsoever..

..that man was Schlaps.

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"Who are you anyway??....nobodys ever heard of you??"

And Schlaps knew it.

With a steely expresion he set himself to the task, but soon realised that it had been some time since his last "Shit Dance"

He needed to study teh subtle art once more, he needed to learn his chosen matrial art (of sorts) all over again,

He needed,

A TRAINING MONTAGE....

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Tunes of the Moment



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the Dutchess Gold, a mystical drink famous for it's incredible powers of Shit-Talking, Shit-Walking and most importantly to our brave heroes, SHIT-DANCING. This drink that could only be found in the darkest holes within the realms of the Castle of Troy.

Only one thing for it thought Lemmiwinks, and with a swift and well rehearsed hussle .. he removed Schlaps own jocks and quickly pushed them under the fading Shit Dancer.

Suddenly ...

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Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

...Schlapps felt himself free of his inhibitions, and without the need for the Dutchess of Gold, though he knew that were he to take on the pride of the pikies, he would surely need the amber lady's assistance, but that's for another chapter

He looked at Lemmiwinks, a long, looking, look.....

_________________

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My Amazon Wishlist

Meanwhile mark awoke on the floor with slightly less audible thud, well more of a snort really. The carpet burn on his face from the pearl jam inspired sitting room stage dive ached badly.

Wiping the drool away he wondered: What year is it? Whose the president? Where the hell is MY WHITE ZINFENDEL!!!!!

Perhaps I should look for the lads, or i could........ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

An hour later, having climbed a tree to escape the amourous schlaps, the almost brave Sir Lemmiwinks set out to find his companion once more, praying he had used up his mojo on a lampost or whelie bin in the meantime.

Upon his reunion with his still jocks-less companion he saw that he had procured a lampshade in the meantime to protect his modesty.

"Wouldn't it work better you didn't wear it on your head, you langer?" said Lemmiwinks.

The loud screams of the blue flashing chariot drowned out his reply.........

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That guys dumb!...... and he's and ass!
He's a DUMB ASS!!!

Meanwhile, in Graignanoonynanny, a land far far away from the Castle of Troy, all was well and peaceful. It was a cool, cold clear saturday night. Beano was chillin out at his local thirst pocket. As he called for another bottle of the finest Chateau de Clonmel, an urgent sos came in from the cold by a little mesenger boy. "asdfhffyr vbyvurgfh jvbavgrhgr" said Ructions. " is it really that serious" said Beano, " sdiuwh;WENF NWECHKN fgmbngrt48yxv akjhl;fjvna /akva" replied Ructions. There was a dance off happening against the pikeys and schlapps was the man, but who would be his back up. Beano thought hard. There was only one man, a man with black magic charm, a man who could slay a giant with the meerest of pipe wrenches, a man of nicholas cage quality. It had to be........ Doc Tor

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I WOULDN'T THANK YOU FOR IT SIR, I WOULDN'T WANT IT, D'WANT TA HEAR A TUNE SIR, I LEARNT DIS TUNE FROM A BLIND HARPOONIST UP IN DONEGAL, ITS CALLED THE MANGLED BADGER